shuhak's Blog

For some reason I felt compelled to write this.  (So don't bite my head off!)

What’s wrong with people these days? Why are they so selfish? Why do they think it’s all about them? I’m talking about people who cheat on their spouse. Although they took a vow to be faithful to their spouse, they instead have affairs and destroy the trust of their marriage. These “ex’s” are now scared from the trauma and don’t form relationships well (they no longer trust anyone) and become lonely. What’s worse is that the one who cheated rarely cares and, after divorcing their spouse, go out and find another and do it all again (and again and again). What kind of fool would even date a person who had cheated on a former spouse?   

At the same time, there are many, lonely, single people who long for companionship, but due to some “defect”, they have none. Perhaps they’re overweight or are disfigured in some way. Perhaps they’re shy or “unsophisticated”. Perhaps they were “labeled” by others and that label stuck. Or worse yet, perhaps they’re too demanding. Demanding? Oh, yeah! Check out the dating sites some time. You’ll see that many people have strict criteria (demands) and refuse to compromise. Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I mean there are some things one shouldn’t compromise on (i.e. smoking, religion, age, gender, language, etc). What I am talking about are the ones who state upfront that if you don’t make over $100,000, don’t bother replying; or if you don’t have a certain percentage of “silver” in your hair don’t reply; or if you have facial hair don’t reply (etc.). Pettiness! If this is what they want then power to them, however buy setting such high “standards” and demanding a certain “lifestyle”, they could be rejecting some good people and they themselves might end up being lonely for a long time.   

I know what some will say; they’ll say that not everyone needs someone else in his or her life. That’s true. Just having another person in ones life will never “complete” them (that’s just a fantasy). No, we are either complete or incomplete by ourselves. However, we all need someone (a friend, a spouse – someone we can talk to, confide in, or just to love). But when people state that “all” people don’t need someone else in their life I cringe. I hate to tell you, but there are people out there who do need someone else in their life - and there are more of them than one might think. As humans, we have an inborn desire to love and be loved. This desire is stronger in some than in others. Sadly, we live in a society that promotes independence, so someone who “needs” another is unthinkable and considered wrong. We label people who have this trait “needy”. (We seem to conveniently have a label for everyone, don’t we?) Unfortunately, “needy” people often get into trouble. Unless they find someone who will treat them with respect and help them to grow (and there are people like this out there), they will be in for a world of hurt all their life. You hear all the time about men (and women) who beat their partner repeatedly and yet the victim won’t lave the assailer. Sometimes this can prove to be fatal. But the thought of being alone is so strong that they will gladly stay. Many of these people can’t help being this way; it’s just how they were made. Telling them to “grow up”, or “you need to mature” (and the such) does no good but to make the one saying it feel superior (because they consider themselves “mature”).  

Loneliness! It’s an ailment that afflicts many people. You have those who go from person to person, using them, and then tossing them aside. You have those who yearn and pray for companionship but find none. You have people who are lonely but are too demanding, and in the process are possibly overlooking a really “nice” person. And then there are those who consider being alone a fate worse than death.  

Such is life!

Yes, I’m ready to give up. After nearly 30 years (that’s YEARS!!) without ever finding a companion, I’m ready to give up. I know I know…never give up. While I know people who say this are well meaning, I don’t think they have a clue what it’s like. I’ve never even had a date! Tell me, what woman would ever want a 45-year-old man who’s never even been on a date?? (Can you say looser???)

I’ve been told, “there’s someone for everybody”. Maybe so, but I’m beginning to think that the person who was meant for me is either gay or has died. Oh, and let’s not forget the “not everybody finds someone” (that one always makes me feel better!). I think the ones who say that are either loners or they’ve had someone and couldn’t handle it. Personally, I hate being alone. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. For one thing, there’s no one to talk to. (Pets listen, but they don’t answer you). People also tell me, “you’ll meet someone, just be patient”. I’ve been patient – for nearly 30 years! You’d think in all that time someone would have at least smiled back at me! I’m a human being; I have the same wants, needs and desires as everyone else - mainly to love and be loved.   Does anyone know what it feels like to see other people forming relationships right and left and there you stand – alone? Well I do!!! It makes you feel unwanted! It seems like people ignore me everywhere I go (be it at work or even at church); it’s almost like I don’t exist. I know they see me because I hear them whispering behind my back, “you never see him with a woman he must either hate women or he’s gay”. I ain’t gay!!!!

You know what’s worse?  Hearing guys complain about their wives or girlfriends. I’ve lost count of all the times I’ve been told how lucky I am to be single. Guys, life’s hard! You should be thankful that you even have somebody!!!   Well, I’m going to give up trying to find a girlfriend. I’m simply tired of the heartache! I just have to face the fact that I will always be alone in this life. I have to play the card life has dealt to me (a lousy ace of clubs).    Oh, you’ll still see me, (unless of course I really am invisible). I’ll be easy to recognize. I’ll be the one sitting in the theater - alone. I’ll be the one at church sitting in a large empty pew - alone. I’ll be the one who stays home all the time, as I’m never invited to parties. I’m the one growing old – alone.  

Friends? I know a few people who you might call “fair weather” friends, but no one I can call a real friend. Tell me, would a real friend, when you confide in them that you’ve never had a girlfriend, tell you “you’re just screwed (or not)”? It seems that the older you get, the less “real” friends you have.

I was doubly blessed this past Sunday as I got to attend both morning and evening church services.  Because of my job, I usually only get to attend evening church services.  However, once a year, during my vacation, I get to attend morning services.  Sunday was that one time.   I thank God for that one time that He allows me attend morning services.  Evening services are nice, but they usually only last about a half an hour and hardly anyone else attends.  Even though I can't relate to people because of my Asperger's, it's still good to be there