Random Thoughts | shuhak's Blog

For some reason I felt compelled to write this.  (So don't bite my head off!)

What’s wrong with people these days? Why are they so selfish? Why do they think it’s all about them? I’m talking about people who cheat on their spouse. Although they took a vow to be faithful to their spouse, they instead have affairs and destroy the trust of their marriage. These “ex’s” are now scared from the trauma and don’t form relationships well (they no longer trust anyone) and become lonely. What’s worse is that the one who cheated rarely cares and, after divorcing their spouse, go out and find another and do it all again (and again and again). What kind of fool would even date a person who had cheated on a former spouse?   

At the same time, there are many, lonely, single people who long for companionship, but due to some “defect”, they have none. Perhaps they’re overweight or are disfigured in some way. Perhaps they’re shy or “unsophisticated”. Perhaps they were “labeled” by others and that label stuck. Or worse yet, perhaps they’re too demanding. Demanding? Oh, yeah! Check out the dating sites some time. You’ll see that many people have strict criteria (demands) and refuse to compromise. Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I mean there are some things one shouldn’t compromise on (i.e. smoking, religion, age, gender, language, etc). What I am talking about are the ones who state upfront that if you don’t make over $100,000, don’t bother replying; or if you don’t have a certain percentage of “silver” in your hair don’t reply; or if you have facial hair don’t reply (etc.). Pettiness! If this is what they want then power to them, however buy setting such high “standards” and demanding a certain “lifestyle”, they could be rejecting some good people and they themselves might end up being lonely for a long time.   

I know what some will say; they’ll say that not everyone needs someone else in his or her life. That’s true. Just having another person in ones life will never “complete” them (that’s just a fantasy). No, we are either complete or incomplete by ourselves. However, we all need someone (a friend, a spouse – someone we can talk to, confide in, or just to love). But when people state that “all” people don’t need someone else in their life I cringe. I hate to tell you, but there are people out there who do need someone else in their life - and there are more of them than one might think. As humans, we have an inborn desire to love and be loved. This desire is stronger in some than in others. Sadly, we live in a society that promotes independence, so someone who “needs” another is unthinkable and considered wrong. We label people who have this trait “needy”. (We seem to conveniently have a label for everyone, don’t we?) Unfortunately, “needy” people often get into trouble. Unless they find someone who will treat them with respect and help them to grow (and there are people like this out there), they will be in for a world of hurt all their life. You hear all the time about men (and women) who beat their partner repeatedly and yet the victim won’t lave the assailer. Sometimes this can prove to be fatal. But the thought of being alone is so strong that they will gladly stay. Many of these people can’t help being this way; it’s just how they were made. Telling them to “grow up”, or “you need to mature” (and the such) does no good but to make the one saying it feel superior (because they consider themselves “mature”).  

Loneliness! It’s an ailment that afflicts many people. You have those who go from person to person, using them, and then tossing them aside. You have those who yearn and pray for companionship but find none. You have people who are lonely but are too demanding, and in the process are possibly overlooking a really “nice” person. And then there are those who consider being alone a fate worse than death.  

Such is life!